[haiti bound]

Life currently looks nothing like how I thought it would as a 22-year-old recent college graduate, it looks even better.

As most of you know, I have spent the last 6 months working at Samaritan's Purse, and I have truly loved it. My role for this time has been focused on domestic work, but I knew I wanted to eventually focus more on the international side of the organization. So, I looked into the international internship program.

My biggest battle in the application process was doubt. I had heard the phrase "God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called" and I was quick to believe that this was true for everyone but me. It was like those moments when we tell God what he thinks of us and what he wants for us. It happens, and then I immediately realize how wrong I am to do that. The Bible is full of stories where God gives ordinary people large tasks and they run, hide, or try to tell God that he has the wrong person for the job. Noah, Daniel, Moses, Joseph...all characters who did big things for God once they actually stopped believing the lies they made up that they were not good enough.

After 2.5 months of staring at the application and praying and stressing and praying and questioning and praying, I decided to put my feet to faith and go for it. I quit believing the lie that I could not do this kind of work for Christ. So, I applied for an international internship with Samaritan's Purse...and I got it.

However, before I knew I had been offered the position, there was a lot of silence. I tried my best to be patient, to trust, all the "right Christian things to do", but it was so hard. Worries and doubt took over my thoughts. What do I do if I don't get it? Where will they send me? What if they send me somewhere I don't really want to go? It was miserable. I was stuck in the unknown. It was at my breaking point when I was reminded of the story of Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego in Daniel 3. They experienced the unknown on a whole new level. They knew if they did not worship the other gods they were commanded to worship, they were going to be thrown into a fiery furnace and burn to death. I love their response to the king when they are questioned why they refuse to obey: "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand. But even if he does not, we will not bow down to your gods." They did not know if God was going to save them, but they declared he could save them. But then they say, even if he doesn't save them they refuse to worship any other god. Of course in the end, God did rescue them from the fire. But I was reminded of their great faith in God even when their outcome was a mystery. I was reminded that even though I had no idea where I would go or what I would do, the best thing for me to do was trust that God had given me that desire to serve overseas for a reason, and he would place me exactly where I needed to be. But even if he didn't give me a position, I would still choose faith in him over doubt and anger. As soon as I accepted this truth, I received an email that day for an interview in Haiti, and the next day I was offered the position.

The Lord completely surprised me with a position I didn't know existed and uses my gifts in a place that is already dear to my heart. I never imagined that I would be working for Samaritan's Purse in Haiti for 5 months. I will specifically be working at the Greta Home and Academy in L'acul. To say I am excited would be an understatement, I am humbled, thankful, thrilled, nervous and much more. God has already been teaching and preparing me for this season, as I know he will continue to do.

I think it is easy for Christians, especially in my generation, to look at missionaries and think that their lives are full of adventure and excitement. Now that I will get a taste of this life for 5 months, I am already seeing the reality of it. Cold showers, spiders, lack of Wi-Fi and electricity, spiders, long hot days, and did I mention spiders? But despite these harsh realities, I am excited. I feel like for the first time I am stepping into something where I have no idea what to expect and no way to really prepare for it. Therefore, I have nothing but Jesus- and what a comfort that is. To me, that's where the real adventure is, in what I will learn from my complete dependence on my Savior.

I would be lying if I said I was not a little scared. I know that God does not bring fear, but he casts it out. However, in a way I have learned to appreciate fear. For me, when I find myself afraid, God is at work with something much bigger than I realize. Therefore, I think it is okay to have fear, it is just what you do with that fear that matters. Will you let it keep you from the greatness God has for you, or will you put feet to faith and step out in courage?

Thank you so much for reading this if you have made it this far. I just learned so much from this journey already that I wanted to share this process from the past few months. Please please pray for me. I need a strong prayer team for this upcoming season. I will be gone from January- May and will do my best to post updates on this blog.

Until then, remember that God is always good and always faithful.

[no more planning]

I bet you forgot I have a blog, it's okay, I almost did too.

The past 2.5 months have been a whirlwind. I look back on it in disbelief that it even happened. Since my last post, I:

• Got an internship with Samaritan's Purse on the promotions team for Operation Christmas Child
• Graduated from college (psych. I walked across the stage...but I will officially be a college grad in t-12 days)
• Celebrated summer at my favorite beach in all the land
• Started my internship
• Traveled to Michigan and Mississippi for work (big girl status)
• GOT A JOB?!!? (question marks because I still don't believe it)
• Made many new friends
• Epically celebrated the best day of the year (ahem...4th of July)

So yes, this summer has been unlike any other. I expected that, but I all I expected was to be a "grown up", brush my hair and wear make-up...blah blah blah. But what I wasn't expecting, was to learn and grow as much as I have. 

This summer I have had the privilege of working with an incredible organization that provides spiritual and physical aid to people all over the world. My role may be small in the grand scheme of it all, but in that small way I am contributing to the big work being done. I have learned infinitely more than I thought I would, met people more passionate for the Lord than I have seen, and heard incredible stories that I would not believe if the person telling me did not experience it first hand. As much as I could go on and on about my experiences, there is one thing I want to share now:

Okay, this is a message to all of those graduating college, no matter when that is, here is my one piece of advice (not that I'm an expert, but someone told me this and now I wish I listened).

Do not make plans.

Okay, before you panic, hear me out. This year the Lord made it clear to me I would be using my major (public relations, non-profit). I also knew I would not be raising support, and I wanted to work for something I cared about/was passionate about. So I thought: Okay Lord, there's no way I will be able to find a job with all three of those credentials. So naturally, I began making plans of my own that did not include those things. And they all fell through, shocker. I applied to Samaritan's Purse because my mom made me, I thought there was no way I'd get it. I did. Not only that, but two weeks into the internship I was offered a seasonal position that involves my major, cue the look of shock.

I suddenly realized that God provided a PR job at an organization that I support whole-heartedly and absolutely love and I get paid. However, despite the Lord's provision, this was not what I wanted. But, God has made it absolutely clear in multiple ways that this is where I am supposed to be. For the past few weeks, he has been changing my heart to be like his. And now, rather than being in denial that I am staying in Boone with a grown-up job, I am actually really excited.

So when I say don't make plans, I don't mean be apathetic. But listen to what God wants for you, and make steps toward that. All I knew were those three things, that's it. I never imagined this is what the Lord had in store for me, I underestimated him (and myself). I didn't let myself really believe that all things are possible with my Savior. If I truly believed that God would provide the perfect plan from my obedience, I would not have spent so much time making "back up" plans. "Back up" plans: making plans because you don't think God will actually provide his plan for you in time. Aka: "back up" plans show a lack of faith in the all powerful God, creator of all things, including the plans for your life.

With all of that said. God is rocking my world right now. I refused to think of staying in Boone because that was "comfortable"and "safe". Well, I was wrong because here I am, staying, and it's actually terrifying. But it is exactly where the Lord wants me. God and his plans never cease to amaze me.

"Look at the nations and watch, and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."

-Habakkuk 1:5

[hopeful]

The rest of our Ireland adventures flew by. There are so many highlights I wish I could share, but that would take too long and you would get annoyed with me.

But, there is one experience I want to share from one of my favorite days (I know, I say that every time).

It was our last day in Cork and we had bus tickets for Galway that afternoon. So with an entire morning to explore, we made another whimsy move and bought a morning train ticket to a town called Cobh (pronounced: “cove,” not sure how that makes sense). This was the last place the Titanic picked up passengers before it sunk. We looked up pictures of colorful buildings on the sea and decided it was a must-see.

For 30 minutes we passed through beautiful towns and ports, Cobh was the last stop. We were giddy in our seats and anxious for the unknown adventures the morning had for us.

What was excitement slowly faded as we walked out of the station and found a giant wall and a small road in front of us. That was it. We stood there awkwardly, starting to feel discouragement and thinking we had made a mistake.

Thankfully, despite how hopeless the situation seemed, we decided to walk up the road. It didn’t take long before we came across a bright green building, then a red, then yellow, and all of a sudden we turn the corner to a beautiful town tucked in a hill sitting on the edge of the sea. A beautiful gray church steeple shot out from a sea of roads lined with quaint houses and shops all brightly painted as a warm welcome.

We spent the morning exploring, reading about the history, walking, taking pictures, and at one point admiring the church’s sanctuary as we waited for a storm to pass.

It was an incredible morning; we were all so thankful that we explored the town of Cobh. On the train back to Cork, I couldn’t help but feel extremely thankful that we decided to walk down the road. What if we got too discouraged and took the train back? What if we went down the road the wrong way? I started to get stressed with all the possibilities that could have happened, but didn’t.

It was a great reminder for me that sometimes things in life look disheartening. Like all is hopeless. But, there is always something great around the corner, we just need to take steps in a direction, even when we don’t see what lies ahead. When we walked towards what looked like nothing, it actually led us to the best morning in a beautiful Irish town.

[masterpiece]

The reason I had always wanted to go to Ireland was to see the Cliffs of Moher (along with the accents, rolling green hills, and music...but mostly the cliffs).

The morning our tour was scheduled to go to the cliffs, it was pouring down rain (and our room in the hostel had a nice leak in the ceiling right above my clothes- that was fun). My friends and I rolled out of our bunks with nerves with the unfortunate weather as we prepared to run to the bus.

However, every time the bus made a stop, the rain stopped as well. I held on to this hope, praying that the same would happen when we reached the cliffs.


And it did.

Since there were wind advisory warnings all day, we were the only visitors. We rushed off the bus and into the sunshine, anxious to see the view over the edge. When I reached the stone wall and peeked over, I was in awe. Below me was a magnificently high drop with strong sea swells crashing against the wall.
Every time another wave crashed, the mist of the sea sprayed us.We ran up to the higher cliff to get a better view, all the while I am shocked that there are no boundaries set to protect people from falling off the edge. The view at the top was breathtaking. What was so incredible to me was how huge the cliffs themselves were, they towered over everything. I stood there trying to process just how grand they were.

This view made me realize how small I really am. I don't mean in stature and weight, but in a humbling way. I think traveling is important because the more I see of the world, the more I realize how big the world really is and how small I seem in it. 

I'm thankful that God created breathtaking views and incredible sights like the Cliffs of Moher, because despite the beauty we are still his greatest creation. He looks at us and says we are his prized possession. 

That's what was humbling that day; while I felt small next to those cliffs, it reminded me that God looks at me with joy that is far greater than my awe with the cliffs. And the best thing is, God made these beautiful sights for us, to show us how great his love is for you and me.

I got back on the bus feeling overwhelmed with God's love for me, that he would create something as breathtaking as the cliffs for me, and yet still call me his masterpiece.

[new friends]

I had always dreamed of going to Ireland. Of all the places in the world, the rolling green hills, towering cliffs, and the beautiful culture was what I longed to see and experience.

Haley and I arrived in Dublin around 6:00 p.m. After a long day of delays at the airport, we were literally leaping with giddiness as we made our way to customs. 

(Side Note: McDonalds in Ireland is hands-down the best McDonalds meal I've ever had, don't judge that we ate it for two meals in one day.)

Anyways, we took a bus through Dublin to a town just south of it on the coast called Greystones. Haley had contacted a mutual friend who just moved there from America. Jen was more than eager to let us crash at her place. We had no idea what to expect.

The night turned out to be one of our favorite nights of the trip. Jen opened her home to us and stayed at her boyfriend's (Josh) family home next door. She had chickens in her backyard that provided eggs for breakfast, and the ocean just one street over. (Insert more squeals from Haley and I). 

Once we dropped off our bags, we went to a pub called Miss. Robinson's. Our first Irish pub experience, and it was everything we expected and more. Everyone is incredibly friendly, strangers become friends instantly. A highlight was the group of 4 wrinkly, gray-hair men who stood up and began singing the classic "I Can't Help Falling in Love With You" and people began to join in on the singing. I had to check myself to make sure I wasn't in a movie.

After the pub, we walked along the road by the ocean to Josh's home. The stars were out and we could see shadows of the waves crashing on the cliffs below us. I had not seen Greystones in the daylight yet but I had already fallen in love with it.

We made it to the home and were welcomed by a small group of Josh's family. They were building a fireplace, no...I mean they literally knocked a hole in the wall, built a mantle and constructed a cast iron stove out of scraps. I watched in complete amazement as they handled it with ease, all while laughing and sharing stories. I had never met strangers that instantly made you feel like family. They asked Haley and I intentional questions and made us feel comfortable despite being in a different country. By the time Haley and I made it to bed that night, we could not believe we had only been in Ireland for 6 hours and experienced such simple, sweet moments.

That was my favorite part about the trip. Not the planned excursions, bus tours, and tourist sights (although those were great)- it was the times we got to relax and truly experience the culture and lifestyle of the place we were in. We learned so much that night from Jen and Josh's family. We learned about Ireland, Greystones, the culture, and their love for one another. There, we experienced undeserving love. They did not know us, they had no reason to love us as well as they did. I can't tell you how refreshing it was to feel at home after a week of traveling around England.

Yepp, Ireland was already a dream. And it was only day 1. While I should have gone to bed that night exhausted and drained from the flight, I felt refreshed and incredibly loved in Greystones.

[let it go]

If there is one thing I experienced on my trip to Europe as well as in other travels, it is continuously learning that I am not in control.

Ever. Never ever.

I first realized this was a reoccurring lesson in my life when Haley and I left London. We made our way to the Blackfriars Station to go to Gatwick and spend the day in the countryside. Once we got to Blackfriars, the kind, frazzled man behind the counter informed us that the trains would be backed up until further notice due to flooding.
Cool, this would happen the day we planned to take a train.

But he advised us to go to Victoria Station, hop on the next train to Gatwick, and our tickets would work there as well. So after a couple tube rides we arrived at the Victoria Station to find complete chaos. Turns out every other traveller that day had the same idea we did, resulting in more crowded, delayed trains.
Wonderful.
We waited anxiously for 20 minutes until our train's platform number finally appeared on the screen. We ran for the gate, babbled our story to the ticket man to accept our Blackfriars tickets, and jumped on the train to Gatwick.
About 1 minute later the train pulled away from the platform. Success.

Scenarios like this are common with travel. I mean, where's the fun in everything going as planned? And it didn't even end there, the next day Haley and I spent 3 extra hours in the airport when our flight to Dublin was repeatedly delayed; it was a good time.

I quickly learned how unnecessary worrying and stress are when you experience delays, cancellations, bad weather, or other bumps in the road. It will get you no where.
There is beauty in those setbacks. They remind me that I am human and therefore I have no control. Even if I did have control I would probably find a way to screw it up anyways. Those moments remind me that God is the one in control, and He does not make mistakes. I know that sounds cheesy, but how often do we truly believe that? I think we all need this reminder every once in awhile.
So why should I worry? Or panic? Or get frustrated? Things are going to mess up, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.
In the end, Haley and I got to Dublin and the timing worked out. We were still able to see the town and meet some great people (more on that in the next blog post). Stressing about the flight would not have gotten us there any sooner.

All of that said, the next time you travel, see those unexpected setbacks as opportunities. There is freedom in accepting you have no control. So prepare yourself for the bumps in the road, learn something from them, and you will make it out in the end.

[just say yes]

England was such a dream to explore, but my favorite day was the last one. Here's why:

On our last day in England, Haley and I took the train out to the countryside to the small town of Horley. Upon arrival, we settled into our Bed & Breakfast, looked at each other, shrugged and said, "What now?" The cutest older British man told us about Brighton, his words were something like this: "It is a city on the sea, a lot of young hip kids enjoy it, you gals should enjoy the town and there's even a pier to walk on."
So, there's a pier, "young and hip kids", and an ocean. That's about all we knew. We didn't have any other ideas what to do, so do we listen to this man?
Haley and I stood in the Gatwick train station staring at the departure times. She turned to me and said, "You in?" Without missing a beat I said, "Yeah, why not?"

Turns out, the day could not have been more perfect. In Brighton, we  found rows and rows of beautiful, colorful architecture, a pebbled shore lining the English Channel, a pier with a small carnival on it, and little hole-in-the-wall shops with pleasant English folk. Those were the best days of the trip, when we had no itinerary, we just went and simply explored what was around us.

Haley and I reflected on our day and wondered, what would we have done if we did not say yes? We definitely would not have seen the English Channel, or chased rainbows, or discovered back roads of English coastal homes. It made us realize all we miss out on when we pass up opportunities because we are too scared, worried, or doubtful.

I don't think God meant for life to be lived this way, in fear of the unknown. That's why he calls us to great faith. It takes great faith to say yes, to step out, to trust and just go. Whether it is buying a train ticket, making a decision, or trying something new, we are not made for fear but for life, and life to the fullest.

I am so thankful for that day in Brighton, that we trusted and just said yes to a new adventure, and I am oh so thankful for the opportunities to come that are hidden in the unknown, because I am not letting fear control those decisions. Will you?

[walk with me]

Anyone who follows me on any form of social media or ever talks to me knows that I recently took a trip. Not just any trip, but a trip I have dreamed of, saved up for, and squealed about for years. I wrote it down on my bucket list freshman year with a small thought of "there's no way this will ever happen", oh, but it did.

Over Christmas break, a few friends and I travelled to England and Ireland.  We went with a small carry-on bag, a rough plan, and excitement for the next two weeks. I came back with tired eyes, beautiful pictures, incredible memories, and an empty bank account. But it was so worth it.
The first stop was London. I still can't believe I got to experience the "International Capital of the World." It took a couple days, but I'm proud to say that I feel comfortable navigating around the tube now and I know the proper "english" way to make tea.
The sights were beautiful and surreal, but I won't bore you with the details. Instead, I want to leave you with some advice. I quickly learned this when the excursion began, and I think it is an important factor to consider in travel.

The people you travel with make the trip.

It's true. I quickly realized I could not do this trip with just anyone. The sights and scenery are great, but who you see it all with can make or break it. For our last day in London, it was pouring rain. What did Haley and I do? We explored in the rain, duh. We walked around Chelsea as if the sun were shining. Then, we sat in the Teahouse Theatre with other friends, drank tea and enjoyed conversation for the afternoon. That is one of my sweetest memories from London because the people I was with made a day memorable that could have easily been a bummer. Whether it was taking cheesy tourist pictures in telephone booths, making a scene trying to split the bill ourselves, or riding front row, top-level on a double decker bus, I became more thankful each day for the people I got to see parts of the world with.

While traveling, I realized it was the same for Jesus too. He had his 12 disciples and even further, his 3 closest friends that he traveled with. Not only traveled, but lived life with. Jesus went through his greatest, darkest, hardest, and most beautiful times of life with his best friends. They knew him, learned from him, and grew with him. If God created life to be lived alone, then Jesus would not have had those 12 disciples by his side. There's a lot we can learn from that.
The people we choose to walk through life with is so important. I look back on my trip and the past 3 years of college in awe of the relationships created. I am so thankful.
I have surrounded myself with friends who long for adventure, hence why I went to Europe in the first place. Haley called me in November and said, "Let's do this, let's go to Europe." Um what, my friends rock.
So my question to you is, who are you choosing to walk with in your life? Will they take you to the ends of the earth, laugh with you when you miss the bus (that happened in London), comfort you when you're scared, and encourage you in your dreams?
Those are the kind of people I strive to fill my life with, and those people walked with me through Europe. It's crazy the places you go, but the people you go with make it even better.