[haiti bound]

Life currently looks nothing like how I thought it would as a 22-year-old recent college graduate, it looks even better.

As most of you know, I have spent the last 6 months working at Samaritan's Purse, and I have truly loved it. My role for this time has been focused on domestic work, but I knew I wanted to eventually focus more on the international side of the organization. So, I looked into the international internship program.

My biggest battle in the application process was doubt. I had heard the phrase "God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called" and I was quick to believe that this was true for everyone but me. It was like those moments when we tell God what he thinks of us and what he wants for us. It happens, and then I immediately realize how wrong I am to do that. The Bible is full of stories where God gives ordinary people large tasks and they run, hide, or try to tell God that he has the wrong person for the job. Noah, Daniel, Moses, Joseph...all characters who did big things for God once they actually stopped believing the lies they made up that they were not good enough.

After 2.5 months of staring at the application and praying and stressing and praying and questioning and praying, I decided to put my feet to faith and go for it. I quit believing the lie that I could not do this kind of work for Christ. So, I applied for an international internship with Samaritan's Purse...and I got it.

However, before I knew I had been offered the position, there was a lot of silence. I tried my best to be patient, to trust, all the "right Christian things to do", but it was so hard. Worries and doubt took over my thoughts. What do I do if I don't get it? Where will they send me? What if they send me somewhere I don't really want to go? It was miserable. I was stuck in the unknown. It was at my breaking point when I was reminded of the story of Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego in Daniel 3. They experienced the unknown on a whole new level. They knew if they did not worship the other gods they were commanded to worship, they were going to be thrown into a fiery furnace and burn to death. I love their response to the king when they are questioned why they refuse to obey: "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand. But even if he does not, we will not bow down to your gods." They did not know if God was going to save them, but they declared he could save them. But then they say, even if he doesn't save them they refuse to worship any other god. Of course in the end, God did rescue them from the fire. But I was reminded of their great faith in God even when their outcome was a mystery. I was reminded that even though I had no idea where I would go or what I would do, the best thing for me to do was trust that God had given me that desire to serve overseas for a reason, and he would place me exactly where I needed to be. But even if he didn't give me a position, I would still choose faith in him over doubt and anger. As soon as I accepted this truth, I received an email that day for an interview in Haiti, and the next day I was offered the position.

The Lord completely surprised me with a position I didn't know existed and uses my gifts in a place that is already dear to my heart. I never imagined that I would be working for Samaritan's Purse in Haiti for 5 months. I will specifically be working at the Greta Home and Academy in L'acul. To say I am excited would be an understatement, I am humbled, thankful, thrilled, nervous and much more. God has already been teaching and preparing me for this season, as I know he will continue to do.

I think it is easy for Christians, especially in my generation, to look at missionaries and think that their lives are full of adventure and excitement. Now that I will get a taste of this life for 5 months, I am already seeing the reality of it. Cold showers, spiders, lack of Wi-Fi and electricity, spiders, long hot days, and did I mention spiders? But despite these harsh realities, I am excited. I feel like for the first time I am stepping into something where I have no idea what to expect and no way to really prepare for it. Therefore, I have nothing but Jesus- and what a comfort that is. To me, that's where the real adventure is, in what I will learn from my complete dependence on my Savior.

I would be lying if I said I was not a little scared. I know that God does not bring fear, but he casts it out. However, in a way I have learned to appreciate fear. For me, when I find myself afraid, God is at work with something much bigger than I realize. Therefore, I think it is okay to have fear, it is just what you do with that fear that matters. Will you let it keep you from the greatness God has for you, or will you put feet to faith and step out in courage?

Thank you so much for reading this if you have made it this far. I just learned so much from this journey already that I wanted to share this process from the past few months. Please please pray for me. I need a strong prayer team for this upcoming season. I will be gone from January- May and will do my best to post updates on this blog.

Until then, remember that God is always good and always faithful.